quote:
One word of warning, be fair and even about it, in otherwords, if six kids are the offenders then cut the ice of all six equally(as possible). Nothing disgust me more and parents than a coach that is perfectly willing to get "tough" with some kids he deems as less important than others, while his chosen kids commit many offenses and never experience the same wrath. So be fair and even to all no matter what.
As a victim of a situation as discribed by Captain where my son was singled out for something that many players participatied in and made to sit out an entire game, this comment really hit home for me. So bagan a downward spiral of events that I can only describe as unbeleivable.
It was 4 seasons ago already, my son was a first year Squirt and on a very successful B team with a couple 2nd year stars who have since gone on to play AAA hockey. The team suffered a bad call at the end of the game. As the players made their way back to the locker room, several were outwardly vocal about the poor officiating, more so than would normally be tolerated at this age.
A week later we showed up for a tournament, 15 minutes before the game our coach informs me that he is sitting my son the first game because of his inability to control his emotions after the game last week. "Back me up on this one". He said. OK, I always backed him up before so I trust him and take the opportunity to teach my son a lesson. Disite the fact that we practiced the week before, the coach waited til right before the game to tell me. So I say, "Why didn't you tell me before."
He says he told my son in the locker room right after the game lst week, and that should be enough. Well, maybe for an older kid, not an 9 year old. I feel as though I should have been informed earlier. I strongly felt that several of the players who violated the "no complaining" about the bad calls rule should have been sat as well. But they were our stars, we needed them to win. My son was the scapegoat. The next 2 months were downhill in his developement. He became the favorite kid to punish anytime he did anything wrong. He got no positive reinforcement from the head coach. Only negativity. He had no confidence in his play. He sat more shifts for doing things that other players were doing as well, and they went unpunished. It was obvious to so many parents, unfortunatley, not to the head coach.
Finally on day, I told my son to heck with what they all think, go out there and play for yourself. He had tried so hard to please the head coach, who totally slapped him in the face all season. I told my son to go out there and play because you love to play. Do your thing. He did and by the end of the season he was the 3rd leading goal scorer on the team. He won the game puck in the Championship game of our final tournament. The coach didn't want to give it to him, but his teammates were chanting his name so loudly when the coach held up the puck in the lockerroom, that he had no choice.
Unfortunatley, what his coaches did not see in my son that year was his love to play hockey. His determination to win. And his willingness to lay it all out there every shift. To them he appeared undisciplind and out of control. Well, he was 9, he has come a long way since then. Needless to say, he has never played for that coach again. My efforts to communicate constructively with the coach came across as a complaining parent resulting in us getting the difficult parent label. We aren't. I have 3 kids playing 3 sports each, not a problem with any other coach, before or since.
It didn't end there, the following year, playing a game against this previous, unfair coach. My son's stick got tied up in the boards and while turning to try to untangle his stick, he accidently struck a player from the other team, his old best bud, who he missed, liked and respected, and who was already kneeling on the ice from trying to deliver a check (illegally as it was squirt) to my son.
The old coach, his team, the old parents, went nuts, the father of the kid my son accidently struck stepped on the ice. Demanded the referee to charge my son with a match penalty. The coaches joined in on the request. Unfortunatly, the referee did not know the history, and dispite the fact that the player was not injured, he figured he must have missed something since the bench went wild and appeased the coach by awarding the match penalty.
This was a championship game. My son was the leading goal scorer at the time on his team. And we were winning. With a little over 5 minutes in the game, my son was done. Double overtime later we came up a couple goals short in the shootout. It appeared to me, and others, that the out of control display by the bench was preplaned. If my son did anything that even looked close to a penalty, the plan on the bench was to go nuts. It worked, hook, line, sinker.
The match penalty charge was a devistating blow to my son. He was no long allowed to practice or set foot at any organizational function. Permission by the President had to be granted just to attend his brother's games. It was out of control, and rediculous.
The board reinstated him a month later. And he had been a success ever since.
Captain, your right, I was justified in my disgust toward the head coach and his unfair treatment of my son. To this day, my son's name is still drug through the mud by that head coach and his entourage of favorite parents and kids.
Last year a new coach moved in the area and was picking a AA team. My son's playing level should have put him on that team. He was not picked and I was told by the commish, that it was because the coach heard we were difficult. Unbeleivable. Totally unbeleivable. I cannot blame that AA coach. I don't want difficult parents on my son's team either. He had to rely on the information he was given by the old head coach who is still dragging my son's name through the mud. Now, of course, he knows better.
We've been through a tangled web in epic proportions. My son is one of the strongest people, not only kids, I know of. He constantly pulls up his bootstraps, hold his head high, and pushes forward, I'm amazed by him. He took all the negatively that was thrown his way. caught it, analized it for what it was, turned it into something positive, and laid it down at his feet to build a foundation to stand upon.
What will happen next. Whatever it is, it will be challenging, exhausting, and well work the effort.
Sorry for such a long post. It was a long story, and I really only gave the highlights.
